The Meadows

Robert Slaughter was 82 years old when his daughter moved him into The Meadows Nursing Facility. With all of his health problems piling up, it was just out of the question for him to live on his own any longer. His house was sold and his belongings were taken to The Good Will. Everything but a photo of his wife Myra, who had long since passed away, a Johnny Cash CD that his son gave him, a portable CD player, headphones, and his watch.

Every morning, Mr. Slaughter woke up, kissed the picture of Myra, put on his watch and headphones, turned the CD player on, waited, tapped it a few times, and then shut it off and put it back in the box, thoroughly dissatisfied. He would complain to the nurses that "They just don't make things the way they used to anymore." They grew tired of hearing the same speech about it everyday. "You should just get rid of the thing, Mr. Slaughter. It's of no use to you anymore!" they would tell him. But he wouldn't hear a word of it. Back into the drawer it went, and he'd try again the next morning.

Mr. Slaughter shared a room with a man named Paul Benedict. Mr. Benedict had been at The Meadows for 14 months and had settled into a routine of watching Fox News all day from his bed with the volume at a level so high that the nurses could hear it from their station in the center of the building. But they knew better than to go and turn it down. One of the CNA's had done that once and ended up covered in various pureed lunch items from his tray. Watching television was Mr. Benedict's one passion. And when you live in a place like The Meadows, being passionate about something can mean the difference between life and death. So the nurses turned a blind eye, and Mr. Slaughter seemed not to mind the volume either... for the most part.

The two men generally got along just fine. Except for the occasional instance when Mr. Benedict would turn on the TV and Mr. Slaughter would holler over to him, "Hey why don't you turn that damned thing up a little more!" That would really set Mr. Benedict off. Luckily for Mr. Slaughter, their beds were far enough apart that the applesauce wouldn't reach him. He completely ignored the ranting coming from the other side of the room and instead gazed at his photo of Myra. Of course being ignored would only rile Mr. Benedict up more, but after a while he'd wear himself out. They'd both take a nap and all would be forgotten once they woke up again.

The day Mr. Slaughter died was the first time Paul Benedict got out of his bed on his own in over 8 months. He had become so complacent with the routine of watching television all day and only getting out of bed when the nurses came to take him to the shower, or for a weekly activity. Although he and his newly deceased roommate had never been close, there was a palpable, new stillness in the room. Robert Slaughter's sudden absence quickly became a wake up call to Mr. Benedict. He now felt both loneliness and enlightenment with the loss of his roommate.

His walker made a clink-shhhh sound to the slow, even rhythm of Mr. Benedict's steps as he made his way over to the empty bed. As he looked around at Mr. Slaughter's side of the room, he regretted not getting to know him better while he had the chance. The few times that he had tried to converse with Mr. Slaughter, he was ignored. "All he ever did was stare at that damned picture," Mr. Benedict said as he made his way over to the photo. He held it up and studied the woman in the photo. "Beautiful," he said to himself, and then the thought crossed his mind that she had never come to visit. "She must have passed, too. What a shame." He felt silly for not using his time more wisely when life was obviously fleeting. He resolved to get too know Mr. Slaughter as best he could by looking at his belongings. He felt an urgency to know something about this man whose death had inspired him to live more consciously. He opened the nightstand drawer and inside he found a set of headphones, a portable CD player, an old watch with a worn leather wrist band, and a Johnny Cash CD. "Well you sure didn't leave me much to work with, Slaughter," he said in frustration as he reached his hand to the very back of the drawer, trying to find something meaningful and telling...

Nothing.

Mr. Benedict was just pulling his hand back out of the drawer when his fingers brushed against something small, hidden in the corner. He quickly retrieved it, feeling like he had discovered a small hidden treasure that potentially could unlock the mystery that was Robert Slaughter. He grinned as he opened his hand to examine what he had found.

And that's when it all made sense.

Paul Benedict was holding a thoroughly unused hearing aid.

Breaking Up With A Boyfriend: A Step By Step Guide

Breaking up with a boyfriend can be difficult terrain to navigate. Over the past few years, I have had my share of relationships which could be considered less than desirable by almost any standard. Although it is preferable to find a loving relationship in which you can bare staying, chances are you will need to break ties with a significant other at some point. Should you find yourself in this predicament, here is the play-by-play of what you can expect on your path to emancipation.
In order for the breakup to occur, there must be an escalation of emotions. First, you will have what is typically referred to as “The Honeymoon Phase”. During this phase, you will float around on a cloud of euphoric bliss and profess your undying love for one another. This is also the period of time when the two of you will be completely inseparable, except, of course, for when he goes out to buy flowers, chocolates, and jewelry to surprise you with. The Honeymoon Phase typically fades as soon as he recognizes that he has you hooked. You will know when this happens because instead of flowers, chocolates and jewelry, he will come home with beer, an Xbox, and a group of loud, sweaty, and increasingly hungry guy friends. In response to this behavior, you will remember that you have girlfriends and begin having what is called “girl time”, which roughly translates to you and your female friends sitting around complaining about your boyfriends while drinking coffee or painting each others nails. You will begin to wonder if the two of you are drifting apart.
Then there will be arguments. First, you will argue about who should do the dishes. Then, you will argue about his parents, then your parents, and then his parents again. Next, you will argue about Valentine's Day, and lastly, you will argue about the remote control, and break up.
Once you have officially broken up, you'll be ready for the second phase which is “The Renewal”. After you have packed all of his things in a box, left it on his porch, and ceremoniously cut him out of any photos you may have of the two of you, you will feel a great sense of freedom and anticipation. You'll realize that you were too good for him all along, just as your girlfriends had been telling you for months. You will immediately go out and buy a whole new wardrobe of extremely attractive clothes, and it will become your mission to make your new ex-boyfriend as jealous as possible. You'll watch Oprah and various sappy romance movies whenever you please. You will most likely find yourself listening to music that makes you feel sexy and empowered, such as Beyonce's “Single Ladies”. You will also begin going to parties and dating casually. Around this period of time, you'll begin planning your new future and reveling in all of the joyous possibilities your new found independence holds. On your way home from one of the parties, you'll receive a drunken phone call from your ex and meet him at his place to “talk”.
This leads us to phase three, “The Reconciliation”. You will talk about how much you've missed each other and how you've both changed for the better. You'll apologize to each other for all of the silly arguments you had and then reaffirm your commitment to one another. There will be an expedited version of The Honeymoon Phase followed by periodic twinges of missing your freedom and independence. You will dismiss those feelings and do your best to focus on the positive. You'll remind yourself that the two of you have changed your ways and that things are much better than they were before. Although you will do your best to reassure yourself, you will slowly start noticing things that you just can't ignore. He still won't put the toilet seat down, he'll still leave his dirty towels and underwear on the floor, and he'll still make that annoying smacking sound when he chews his food. Slowly, his friends will start coming around again and they will clean out your refrigerator. His Xbox will once again take it's throne in the spot where your flowers used to sit. You will argue about your friends, then his friends, then your friends again. You'll argue about wall décor, money, and your efforts at cooking. Eventually, you will have the biggest argument you've ever had. It will start because you forgot to turn off the headlights, but somehow it'll end up being about how he called your mother “neurotic” two and a half years earlier. You'll continue to argue until neither of you are sure what exactly the argument is about anymore, and then you will, once again, break up.
Next will come “The Listless Phase”. During this phase you will do all of the same things you did in The Renewal, only they won't be anywhere near as exciting. You'll go out to buy new clothes but none of them will appeal to you so you'll settle on a sweatsuit. Oprah and the romance movies will bore you. You'll go out to a party but leave early because you just aren't having any fun. Eventually, you will give up on even trying to go out and be social and you'll sit at home in your sweats and listen to various angry, man-bashing, female musicians, such as Alanis Morissette and Fiona Apple, while eating a pint of ice cream. You will slowly become more and more miserable being alone.
After a time, you will learn to accept the fact that you are single. Then your acceptance will shift to appreciation. You'll suddenly realize that there's a whole new world of opportunities just there for the taking. You will go have lunch alone and enjoy being able to take as much time as you want without feeling rushed by someone who eats twice as fast as you do. You will go see a movie and be relieved that you won't have to argue about where to sit. You'll take a short vacation and realize that you no longer have to compromise on which sites to see. When you get home and climb into bed, you will enjoy having the option to stretch out and take up as much of the blanket as your little heart desires. You'll fall fast asleep with an immense sense of pride in yourself for being so independent, and you will realize that you are actually pretty good at being single. The next day, you'll meet a new guy and repeat all of this from the beginning.

We'll bust your knee caps.

Highs and Lows in Regal Cinemas Theater

• Short line at ticket booth
• Huge line at "ticket-tearing-person" booth
• Someone finally informs us that the line is ONLY for those seeing Prometheus
• Go to front of "ticket-tearing-person" booth
• "ticket-tearing-person" informs us we need to go to "other-ticket-tearing-person" on the other side of the theater
• Short walk to other side of theater
• "other-ticket-tearing-person" tells us the theater isn't ready, still being cleaned
• I say "that's impossible, our movie starts in 5 minutes. we're seeing the 7:40 showing"
• "other-ticket-tearing-person" says "Your ticket says 10:45. You'll have to have them switch it."
• Short run to customer service counter. "customer-service-person" changes tickets.
• Another short run to "ticket-tearing person" who is now dealing with the onslaught of Prometheus viewers
• Shamelessly cut in line, get tickets torn, and run to theater room 5
• Find seats next to cute little boy with a lisp and his mother
• Cute little boy with a lisp introduces himself to Hunter. His name is Mario.
• Mario won't stop talking to Hunter.
• Hunter is visibly perturbed
  
• Tall and lanky teenagers sit in front of Mario.
• Mario's mom switches seats so Mario can see.
• Hunter and I are secretly relieved
  
• Tall and lanky teenagers move over a seat and sit in front of Mario again.
• Run out of theater to find Mario a booster seat. This will be my good deed of the day (cough...and prevent Mario from needing to switch back to former seat... cough).
• Return, receive thank yous from Mario and his Mom
• Movie begins.
• 100 small children talk/cry/throw popcorn/run around with light up shoes/scream at any 3D effect through entire movie.
• Hunter loved it. That's all that matters.
  

These days...

Pure talent...